Friday, September 26, 2008

Watch a flick, illing, and root for the villain!

Okay, I guess this is a follow up to my last post. Anybody that knows me, knows that I enjoy three recreational activities above all, television, music and movies. My usual day (night) goes like this, I wake up and check the Hip-Hop blogs for new music to hate, I turn on the television and set the DVR for some shows, then I go through the extensive DVD library in my house. So, basically, my day revolves around these three things. So the other day I was watching "Shooter", and a question came to my mind, "does Hollywood (authors, actually) really think this stuff out before they start filming?

Everybody knows the film, the government/secret agency/corporation builds/brainwashes/trains a soldier/assassin/spy. During an accident/set-up/mission, the soldier/assassin/spy has a notion that the government/secret agency/corporation is doing something evil/trying to kill him, and it is up to him to stop them. I, like most people, enjoy most films with this premise. I love the entire "Bourne" series, I tolerated the "Mission Impossible" films, I enjoy all espionage flicks in general. My question isn't why do they make them, my question is why are the villains so stupid?

Every movie of this type is the same, from "James Bond" to "Art of War", a trained soldier or whatever has to fight throughout the entire film. From the opening credits, we can all see that this unlucky bastard just won't go down, why can't the villains see the same thing. Any film where the hero is constantly being chased by an organization, the idiotic villain never stops to rethink his strategy. Come on, after Jason Statham kicked the asses of about a dozen of your armed soldiers, are you just going to send in a dozen more? I know what you're going to do next, you're going to call for your special martial arts expert, your crazy hot, crazy, killer chick, or your steroid pumped strong man. And you know what happens then, the hero has a problem for about three seconds, and then proceeds to kick ass, just like before. After that mishap, you get the idea to throw everything at this dude, including the kitchen sink. As you should have guessed by now, this unstoppable force, who has been shot several times and broken at least three bones, thwarts your plans. What's left? You can go either two ways, give up and go to your secret hideout or fight the son of a bitch yourself. Let's go with the first scenario, you're in your secret hideout, you receive a phone call/letter/e-mail/text message that says either your dead or that he's coming for you. At that moment either he blows you up/shoots you/chokes you from behind or the credits roll (save something for a sequel). The secret hideout idea may have been a bad one! Okay, what about the latter, fighting the hero yourself. The first question you should ask yourself is, why, if you could have defeated him yourself, why didn't you do that from the jump? The second question should be, if this adrenaline driven madmen killed your henchmen, the body count has to be about a hundred (more deaths, more revenue), what makes you so damn tough to kill? You know how this is going to end, you laying in a pool of blood wondering "why didn't I just let the fact that this dude dropped my brother out of a window slide?" or "why didn't we just leave this guy's girlfriend alone?".

Why are government conspirators/criminal masterminds/corporate geniuses portrayed as total idiots? Does having the highest IQ in the entire film mean that you lack common sense? I know it would make for a very short and sucky movie, but how about, after the hero kills 30 0r so of your henchmen, you forget about kidnapping his wife/girlfriend/child, and cut your lost and move on? The worst would be the hero that was built/brainwashed/trained by the villain. If you already know that you did some amazing work on this crazy dude, why would you even dare go up against him? Oh, I forgot about the everyday Joe Simpleton, who thwarts the plans of the government conspirators/criminal masterminds/corporate geniuses. How did this idiot beat you, better still, how did you get into the prestigious position that you sit in?

Come on, an aging guy on the verge of being put on crossing guard duty thwarts, not just one, but four criminal masterminds (including a pair of brothers)! A labor lawyer and a retiree who lives with a bunch of cats takes down a government conspiracy (where the hell are they at when we need them?)! A driver, a man whose job is literally just to drive, takes down, in three films, over fifty henchmen and three bosses! What the hell is wrong with these villains?

Okay, Hollywood, I've got a quandary, there's a villain, yet no known hero in sight. Here's the villain's back story. The villain is a known racist, he was against the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday, supported apartheid in South Africa and opposed the release of Nelson Mandela. He led enterprises that specialized in the criminal misuse of oil and weaponry. He infiltrated the government and proceeded to limit funding and downsize the military. He came up with plans to use force against nations that he deemed as enemies to his plots. He organized the genocides of millions, some of other nations and some of "his own people". The villain failed to disclose documents of importance to the people, leaked the identity of a spy, and even shot a man and made the victim apologize for getting shot. He may or may not be immortal, surviving numerous health problems and an assassination attempt. He is an immoral, callous, compassionless man. He even has a secret hideout. Now, I'd really appreciate if Hollywood could create a hero to thwart this criminal mastermind.

Remember the world is Diggie. Even the "Butterfly" told you this was a Diggie-ble Planet. I'm cool like that!

1 comment:

Quiet$torm said...

Cheney is worst then the Joker that dude is smooth as hell
Think about it when was the last time you saw that dude in public he is like a shadow... I bet he got more pull then Bush