Saturday, September 27, 2008

Now you caught my heart for the evening, kiss my cheeks, moved in, you confused things!

So, yet again, I was checking out my twin's blog, and I got to this entry, I was also vibing to A Tribe Called Quest at the time (if you don't like the Native Tongues, you should commit seppuku). The combination of that chart and the congenial composition that is "Find A Way" had me contemplating the complexities of compatibility (check the alliteration, genius). I'm not that good at relationships, friendships, companionships, spaceships, worship, warships, Battleship (I'm always getting sunk), and most other ships. Some question that I've often asked myself. What makes a good friendship? What makes a good relationship? Are we with people just because we're lonely and we need somebody to make us feel needed? And the main topic of this entry, where is the line between a friendship and a relationship? I don't know the answers to these questions, so I decided to do some scientific research (not really, just listening to a bunch of crappy R&B songs).








I don't want to come of as some soft, sensitive dude, so I'm going to inject some assholish, jerky comment here. "If we hear from an old girlfriend, we will briefly fantasize about having sex with her. But do not worry; the fantasy includes you AND her, together." Okay, now that that's out of the way, back to the blog entry. How do you know if you're ready to move out of the friendship zone (isn't that the point of having a female friend, an insurance policy)? How do you get pass the awkwardness of a F-buddy that wants to be more? When is it right to move on to the next step in a relationship (whatever that means)? I understand that as you get older, the dynamics of relationships are supposed to change. As you mature, you're supposed to handle situations differently. Well, since I became an adult (like five minutes ago, when I started writing this crappy ass entry), I haven't been in a real relationship (whatever that is). I don't understand the dynamics of an adult relationship. I mean, the last relationship that I was in, I was like a teenage boy watching scrambled porn, just waiting for things to get clear for a minute. I look at relationships like the American stock market, why invest when you're not guaranteed a return. All my life, I suffered from kakorrhaphiophobia (look it up), so I never tried to spit at females I didn't know, so most of the girls I kicked it with were my friends (probably why I don't have any female friends now). I figured, hey, she already knows me, I don't really have to be extra. If you don't understand, "extra" is all the romantic shit you do in the beginning to get a girl. All that wining and dining, the wooing and other bullshit. I didn't realize that you had to actually put in work to jump that line from friend zone to relationship (who would've figured). So, damn near every relationship that I've been in stayed in that awkward zone.

And then there was the F-buddies (not many), which for a dude like me, was an exercise in futility. See, I used to hang out with pole-workers (not poll workers, I don't vote), and I used to pizzlate (Pronunciation [piz-uhl-leyt] verb to have sexual intercourse with) their friends. That is about the easiest thing in the world to do, you're basically getting paid off of somebody else's labor. You know how it works, "tell your homegirl, I'm like a fishmonger" or "tell your friend I want to check her tonsils like an ENT Specialist". I'm not going to use words like smut, lay or jump-off, lets just say, these women are looking for disposable companionship. Even though I enjoyed these furloughs, it just wasn't me. I know that most dudes view a F-buddy as hitting the lottery, and not having to pay the luxury tax. I don't know, maybe I'm not a total heartless bastard, but I can't treat any relationship like a firing range, you know, go in, shoot a couple rounds, get out, and come back when my trigger finger's itching again. I know, the sensitivity again, well, time for some bastardry. " How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free."

I don't know, maybe boredom has set in because there is nothing on television. Maybe I've listen to Neyo's new album a little too much in the past few days. Maybe I watch too many romantic comedies (I can't help it, most other movies suck). Maybe I've just ran out of topics to write about (I've peaked at 26, how sad). Hey, at least I'm in a relationship that has yet to let me down; I love you, BangBros.com (no hyperlink to porn, that's just tasteless, even for me).

PhotobucketMy favorite dude, on my favorite porn site. Don't worry, he's not pizzlating.





Remember the world is Diggie. Even the "Doodlebug" told you this was a Diggie-ble Planet. I'm cool like that!

108 comments:

No Face said...

Shit, I can tell you're not good at relationships. July-September where the fuck have you been? I bookmarked this blog (Old school at 20; RSS feeds are not me) and kept checking back almost everyday. Then I just lost hope, like a crack addict when their dealer gets locked up/shot/goes to Mexico to cool out.

With that said, I'm glad you're back. I've read all your September post thus far and hope to hear more from you. Also, to be totally on subject I'll kick some knowledge to ya. Almost every, and I do mean EVERY guy has a fear of rejection problem when it comes to girls. The best way to get over it is to approach them (I know it scares the shit out of you). The whole be friend first, fuck later thing is not that great. That friendship zone is the black hole, STAY AWAY! Besides they know when you like them anyway, so just be real with them. Now go bag some hunnies.

P.S.: If I come back to this blog and it's not updated, I'm buying a Diddy album. This is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you, but at least it'll hurt.

Rock Digz said...

Thanks for the love! To clarify, I'm not really scared of rejection. I'm scared that a girl would get to know me and then not like what she finds. Rejection is okay with me, working and not getting compensation isn't. That's mostly why I kick it with friends, they already know my quirks and crazy idiosyncrasies.

P.S.: Buying a Diddy album is not the way out of any situation, don't do it, don't. I should set up a hotline for people trying to commit Diddycide.

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