Monday, November 06, 2006

I think I'm in love again! You are the prototype!

I've been searching for a while for something, I don't know what it is, but I've been searching. It's hard to find what you're looking for if you don't know what your looking for. A couple years ago I thought I found this amazing thing called love (don't let that get out and ruin my gangsta rep), but I realized it was just familiarity. I met this girl and after months of hanging out, I thought I was in love. After a while of being a sucker duck (like Nas and Jay-Z), I regained my composure and got back to my "fuck you" state, where I've been since. Then I tried to move out of that state, I went out with some chick from Georgia and it was going good, but I received a collect call from my "fuck you" state and I accepted charges. So I moved on, and went back into that suspended animation. Then I came back up top to New York and I met a couple females that were inviting, but that "fuck you" state of mind reared its head every time. Then I met this girl from New Jersey and we went out a couple times and I decided to lower my defenses (like Bush in Iraq), and that opened the flood gates. The insurgents attacked my senses and I tried to make this happen. I did all the things a good dude would and you all know the saying "good guys finish last" (I still ain't finish that race). So you know what happened next, I move back to my "fuck you" state. I frequented strip clubs to gain a false sense of closeness, I engaged in meaningless tryst to keep from letting my defenses down again. I met a female from Brooklyn, and I maintained the "fuck you" state of mind and pulled out before the bodies started dropping (Bush should learn). And right now I'm at the border of my "fuck you" state looking out at my boy that just got married and my other boy just had a kid, and where am I at. I still have a gang of my closest friend as my neighbors in our "fuck you" state, but I think it's time for a road trip out of this state. I don't know yet if love truly exists, but I'm willing to do the research now. I hope that is what I've been searching for, because if it isn't and I get stuck in a relationship, I'm going to hate myself. And my brother will probably make me the butt if his jokes. And if your a female and you're reading this, you can sign up to be a subject in my experiments, just e-mail me.

Peace, I mean WAR!

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