Sunday, April 29, 2007

When kingdom comes, you ready?

Just as I spend many of nights, I watched The History Channel (since "Planet Earth" wasn't on The Discovery Channel). A show entitled "Heaven and Hell" was being aired. As many of my weed-head friends know, I have a love/hate relationship with mythology (some call it religion). Ever since I was younger, reading my fathers quasi-Islamic pamphlets (Imam Isa was and is a psycho), I've questioned religious beliefs. So many beliefs are just taken as "because God said so", like an angry parent telling a child to go to their room. But anyway, the program talked about Satan being evil and Hell being punishment for worldly sins, it also talked about the influence of the arts on religious ideas. So I reached over to my side table and grabbed a pen, paper and my Bible (you have to actually read it to defend or renounce it). And now I shall go on to analyze this "Divine Comedy" (I was reading "Dante's Inferno" the other day). According to most religions, God (Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, G-D, etc.) is a just, fair, good, perfect, infallible, righteous God, yet, throughout the Bible, God is shown to be an unfair, evil, imperfect, flawed, unrighteous God. From the beginning of "The Greatest STORY Ever Told", God is a bully, nay; I say God is an asshole. First he creates the planet and man, plants a tree with beautiful fruit, then tells man not to eat the fruit. I see it as very asshole-ish to put fruit in front of somebody and tell them that they can't have any. That's like waving candy in front of a child and saying "na-na-na-na-na, you can't have none". Then he tells them if they eat the fruit then they would die (he lied to them too, how righteous is that). Now the so-called evil serpent tells the man, "if you want to eat the fruit, its pretty damn good, it'll make you smart, and it damn sure won't kill you". He just tempted them (tempting meaning to put someone to the test in a venturesome way), he didn't force them to eat of the fruit, in my opinion he did nothing wrong at all. I'm going to move to another topic about the bible, the absurdness of the stories, more specifically the "Noah's Ark" story. Almost everybody knows the story, the world is evil, and God gives a 600 year old alcoholic the blueprints for an ark the size of a very large yacht. The elderly drunk then finds two (or seven, depending on which verse you're reading) of each animal on Earth (Biblical scholars don't count the now extinct animals), and then set sail for more than 150 days. In my humble opinion, for this to actually work, a few things must be true. First, not one other person on the whole planet, not one fisher or sailor, owned a boat. Second, Noah and his three sons were the greatest carpenters throughout history. And third, magic isn't just something created at Walt Disney World. During this story, God found a way to be an asshole for years to come by making a bullshit covenant with Noah, saying no floods shall kill man and animal alike for perpetual generations (explain New Orleans). So next let's talk about the "Tower of Babel" story. These people all start speaking the same language, and God doesn't like that (now they can tell each other how big of an asshole he is), so he destroys the building, scatters the people around the land, and changes their language. And why does he do this, because as the Bible says "and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do…" (Basically God doesn't want you to do anything and he's jealous of you). How just is your God really? In Sodom, Lot sat in his house with three angels, as some Sodomites (doo-doo chasers) asked to meet the visitors. So, Lot, being a great father, offers his daughters to the sausage-smugglers, but they want to go to the meat market. To make a long story short, the angels blinded the pipe-smokers, God torched the city and everybody in it, and God's homeboy, Lot's wife turns into salt for not following Gods rules (how just and fair was that). Then God tests Abraham's faith by sending him up a mountain to kill his son Isaac. Right before Abraham gives his son a hell of a buck-fifty, Gods angel yells out "Sike!". And the Bible, as does the Quran, go on and on with Gods Joker-ish (as in the Batman villain), asshole-ish, dare I say douche bag-ish antics. But throughout the "holy books", Satan just gives people choices, and they choose whether or not to do it. Satan never sticks a gun to a single head and demands anybody do what they don't want to. All the stories lead me to ask more questions (something God doesn't allow). Who is actually evil, God or Satan? Why was Satan really cast out of Heaven? Was it because he disagreed with the bully, God? Also, if you're "all powerful", why would you kill your own son to change the world (just change it, idiot)?

I want to end this with a quote from Hip-Hop, so in the words of Chef Raekwon, "What do you believe in, Heaven or Hell? I don't believe in Heaven, cause I'm living in hell. So it's your life!"

Peace, I mean WAR!

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